I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
