you guys were way drunker than both of me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
