you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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