So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
