a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
