I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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