Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
