you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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