She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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