wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
