We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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