My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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