woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
