you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize