so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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