He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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