Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
