I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
