he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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