bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
