remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize