Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
