i just wanna soil my oats bro
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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