When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
