Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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