You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
