I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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