we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
