seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
