Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
