I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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