He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
