got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
