Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
honey bunches of taint.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
