So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
