i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
