Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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