Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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