yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
