btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
