Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
