his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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