What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
