haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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