he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
