Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
