my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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