my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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