last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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