He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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