she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
