is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
