Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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