too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
