so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
