You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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