mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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