He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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