You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
