Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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