I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
