He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
