shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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