I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
