I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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