There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
