I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
