Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
