smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
